How Do I Learn To Set Boundaries?
Learning How To Advocate For Your Needs
While the term “boundary” is a commonly used term these days, it does not mean that setting and reinforcing a boundary is easy. We have likely all faced the challenges of needing to set a boundary but not knowing where to start. We fear that in setting a boundary we may jeopardize a relationship or come across to others in a negative light. Setting clear and defined boundaries is not only good for one’s relationships, it is also good for you in general. People who feel comfortable enough to set and maintain boundaries tend to have higher self esteem and have less stress and fewer conflicts. Setting boundaries with toxic people is an important skill that can help you protect your mental and emotional health.
Here are some steps you can take to set boundaries with those in your life:
Identify the toxic behavior: The first step is to identify the toxic behavior that is causing you distress. Examples of toxic behavior include verbal abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and disrespect.
Define your boundaries: Once you have identified the toxic behavior, you need to define your boundaries. Your boundaries should be clear and specific. For example, if someone is verbally abusing you, you might say, "I will not tolerate being yelled at or called names."
Communicate your boundaries: Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Let the person know what behavior is unacceptable and what consequences will follow if they continue to engage in that behavior. For example, you might say, "If you continue to yell at me, I will end the conversation and leave the room."
Follow through: It is important to follow through with the consequences you have communicated. If the toxic person continues to engage in the unacceptable behavior, you need to be prepared to enforce your boundaries. This might mean walking away from the conversation, ending the relationship, or seeking support from others.
Take care of yourself: Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially with toxic people. Make sure to take care of yourself by practicing self-care, seeking support from trusted friends or family members.
Remember, setting boundaries with toxic people is not about changing their behavior, but about protecting yourself. It may take time and practice to get comfortable with setting boundaries, but it is a skill worth developing for your own well-being. If you are seeking support in setting boundaries, therapy is a great place to begin that explorations. Ascend Counseling is here to help. You can reach us at (708) 713-5894 or www.ascendcounselingil.com.
